Sunmbo Adeoye gave a talk to single parents at her husband, Pastor David Adeoye‘s church Royalty Christian Centre a few months ago and Kemi Filani attended.
She talked about the steps you should take as a Christian single parent, and even gave personal examples like what she was doing when her children’s father 2Baba proposed to Annie Idibia on Valentine’s Day in 2012. (His other baby’s mother was pregnant at the time.)
Here are excerpts of the 7 major points the blogger noted from the message, you can see the entire transcript on Kemi Filani’s Blog.
1. Seek God
Stop blaming yourself…seek God, ask him for forgiveness (if you defiled the bed by engaging in fornication).
2. Forgive yourself, let go of the guilt.
The child has already happened, you shouldn’t always get angry or feel guilty about your past…forgive yourself……and move on….
3. Trust God.
Trust God in all your ways.
I remember when I used to be a single mom, I knew what I wanted. For about five years, my prayer point was God give me a man after your own heart, lord let your will be done, I let go of my choice for the choice you want for me, I let go of everything that I see as picture perfect. I made this my prayer point everyday. I would be like God, I have tried my best I am overwhelmed, there is nothing I can do…when you pray such prayers, make sure you don’t have a different expectation because as at the time my answer to the prayers came, it came in form of a pastor, and i am like for real, No oh,I know I was asking for a man but not a Pastor. And then the holy spirit reminded me that you are after a man after my heart and I am giving you David, what else do you want?…and then I succumbed.
I remember when I was a single parent, i was working in a Bank and was comfortable, so I wasn’t begging anybody for anything…but one sister came to meet me and said, sister Sumbo you know you are looking for a husband to marry, you better pack your car and always use all this danfo buses as your means of transportation so that you can easily get a man to notice you…they won’t notice you easily if you are driving a car oh. Enter bus and stop driving car up and down…the society gives you ridiculous advises….some will say go to clubs…yet you are asking for a man after God’s heart.
4. Wait
When you ask God for something, the answer may not come early.
In my own case, i waited for 8 years. The answer may not come quickly because God is trying to re-mold you, to break you, to prepare you so as to ready for the testimony he is about to give you….because if he gives it to you on a platter of gold, you may not appreciate it.
5. Do not be desperate
Take your time. As a single parent, don’t rush into a relationship, desperation will make you accept just anything. E.G at 21, as a lady your dream is a tall dark and handsome man…then you turn 25…then 35+ …….you now start saying any man that fears God (whether he has a job or not) is okay for you as long as he can marry you and give you a child…this is desperation…these things happen for real.
I remember the day when my baby daddy proposed to his girlfriend, I was on the list of those that will take praise in church for that Wednesday..well I had known what was going on but it didn’t affect me because I had known what I want, so I had let go of that choice for God’s will for me…so i came to church, I was leading the Praise session and everyone was just looking at me with pity eyes like ‘omo yi o mo nkan ti on sele (this girl doesn’t know what’s going on o)’… after service, one sister even came to me and said it is well and in my mind, I am like what happened, did somebody die? … The person felt I was faking that I wasn’t hurt by the proposal but she and the others didn’t know I had been healed by God for my own expected end… so don’t be desperate.
5. Be positive to receive
Everyone who sees you as single parent will definitely judge you at first even without hearing your story… it is normal, I have been there, I know what I am saying…but don’t let that discourage you…..
6. Pray and seek God always
Even if you have seen someone to marry you, don’t stop praying constantly….have the word of God in your heart…it helps.
7. Go for Counselling
If you are marrying a single mom/dad, you need to go for counseling, because it is not easy...cos you need to love her/him, flaws and kid(s)..and be ready to take up their responsibilities.
Anyone who marries a single mom or dad is very lucky because they have been there or wounded so they will do everything to make it work, they won''t want people to be counting their husbands/wives for them...it is a unique marriage that is not for everybody
Concluding the message, her hubby, Pastor David Adeoye had this to say to single parents...
"I have the happiest marriage on earth today because i love my wife and our sons....Don't hide your child from your spouse, if they can't love your child with you, then they don't deserve you...."
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